Have you missed me?

I know it's been over two months since I last posted on my blog and I deeply apologize for my lack of attention to my devoted and loyal followers, all six of you. LOL.

Over the past two months we've had a lot going on. I started my new job, and even though I'm only working three days a week, it's still been a big adjustment. I love working. I love the interaction with adults and using skills I am trained for. I knew I missed working but I didn't realize how much until I started working again. Two of the days S & E are home with daddy. The third day they go to an in-home preschool/daycare. They both love learning and playing with other kids and are really thriving.

S is almost 23 months old now and we have started planning his 2nd birthday party. We are having a monkey theme party this year. It's only appropriate considering he carries his "bebe" (that's what he calls his monkey) with him constantly. He is speaking two to three word sentences now and his vocabulary is getting larger and larger everyday. He can identify 7 body parts, including his favorite, his toes. 6 pictures by name, including dog, kitty, bunny, etc. He has also just started counting to five. This is still very new so he gets caught up on four sometimes but he's doing very well. He is strong and solid weighing 28 pounds and is 33 inches tall. He's built just like his daddy, long torso and short legs. D is hoping he'll use that to his advantage when he plays football.

S, 22 months old.

E is 9 months old now and seems to have changed from an infant to a toddler overnight. She is army crawling...everywhere. That girl can slither with some serious speed. She's started pulling herself to standing and cruising the furniture. Not a full on cruise, just mostly up and down the couch. It's adorable to see her eyes peaking over the side rail of her crib waiting for us to get her in the morning or after naps. It won't surprise me one bit if she's walking before her first birthday, or sooner. She's talking some, Mama and Dada are her favorites. She's starting to transition from baby food to table food and sister is loving it. She will turn her head away when trying to feed her baby food and show her dislike but bring on that table food and she'll gobble it up. She even tries to steal food from S's plate. She's still large for her age, 21 pounds and 28 inches tall and wearing 12 month clothes. She has a gorgeous smile and a contagious laugh that will melt your heart when you hear it.

E, 9 months old.

Last weekend we had family pictures taken (some shown above). We had pictures taken when S was 19 months and E was 3 months but we didn't do a family portrait then, we only got individual pictures and a group shot of both kids. The pictures turned out awesome and I'm thrilled to finally have a picture of the four of us together.

I know I am biased, but I think my kids are adorable...so here are few more pictures of them.

Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

As I've mentioned in the past I am a Graphic Designer by trade. I was laid off in December 2010 while on maternity leave with S (yeah pretty crappy company right?) Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with E, so even though I was actively looking for a job, I knew I wasn't going to get one.

Well folks, now that E is 7 months old (and S is 20 months - where is the time going?) I have finally found a job. It seems to be a perfect opportunity for me to learn and grow into a leadership role and for my family. I will only be working part-time so between the hubs, my parents, and I we will rotate childcare and the kids will not have to go to daycare. Cha-Ching!!!! This really is a win-win for everyone. I get to enter back into the work force, into a field I love, and have some adult interaction and a purpose other than as a mommy, we will have some extra income (that won't have to go directly to a daycare provider), and I still get a few days off a week to be with my babies :)

The other big change happening in our lives is in an entirely different area. After several months of consideration I have decided our family is going to start cloth diapering. I discussed it with the hubs and he didn't care either way so we're going to do it. I am tired of the money we are spending on disposables, and the costs just keep rising and rising. It's really ridiculous what we spend on a monthly basis for something that just gets thrown in the trash. Now cloth diapering can be expensive also, at least for the initial start up. I was fortunate to find a more cost effective way by purchasing a brand manufactured in China off eBay. In addition, a friend of mine is sewing some cloth diapers for me. So for roughly $5 a diaper I have generated a nice beginner stash. It feels good to be helping the environment, saving some cash (it should be about $2500 in the next 1.5 years), and let's be honest, those diapers are absolutely adorable!!!!

And since I haven't posted in a while, I'll include a quick update about the kids and a few pictures. As I mentioned above S is 20 months old. He talking more and more everyday. He says some advanced words like "applesauce", "monkey", "shoes",  "scrambled eggs" and some less advanced words like "cheese", "juice", etc. He's recently gotten very interested in brushing his teeth. He wants to do it several times a day, so we let him (most of the time there isn't any toothpaste on the brush but he doesn't know that). He's almost grown out of the "chew on everything phase" thank goodness. That phase seemed to last way.too.long. He has started to identify pictures with words/names. If you ask him to show you the kitty, he will flip through his little plastic ring toy and show you the kitty. He can do this with the dog and pig also (those are the only three things on the rings). He still loves to read and often sits in a chair or on the floor paging through a book over and over.

 He is ALL boy and LOVED climbing that tree.
Don't worry, Daddy was right next to him so he couldn't fall.

E is 7 months old now and is changing fast. She's rolling all over the place and starting to challenge herself by stretching and grabbing things just out of her reach. She is sitting unsupported, some times. She will get excited and get straight and fall over. I think it's only a matter of time before she's doing it consistently. We upgraded her from an infant carrier to a convertible car seat. She weighs 19 pounds and is almost 29" long, she was outgrowing the infant carrier and fast. She's much more comfortable in the convertible and it makes being in the car with her much more enjoyable. She's also found her voice and likes to tell stories. I'm sure if I could understand what she was saying those stories would be very interesting. Boy does she sure love to swim. We have a plastic baby pool and we put just a small amount of water in it and lay her down flat and she kicks her arms and legs like she's swimming laps. She smiles and giggles and just keeps kicking!

Look at her sitting like a big girl! 

Summer has been good so far, aside for some roof damage we had from a storm last week. We're taking a big family camping trip in a few weeks. I'm really excited for all of us to get to spend some time with family we don't see often and also, my immediate family, spending time together having fun and creating memories.

I might be bat shit crazy!

As S & E continue to grow, specifically E, I find myself reminiscing about babies. S is 19 months old and a total toddler. He wants to do everything on his own and makes sure you know it if you try to help him. At 6 months old, E is still technically considered a baby, but she's quickly moving from phase to phase. She has just entered the roll all over the floor and get into everything phase. I look at my kids and deeply miss the newborn, cuddle on your chest, sleep all day phase. I miss it so much I have actually thought about having a third child.

That's where the bat shit crazy enters. Not only would we have three kids under three (yeah, that's not happening) but when E was born I had my tubes tied, so it's medically impossible (OK nothings impossible, let's say unlikely). I don't know if this is a simple case of "you want what you can't have" or what? I hated being pregnant. Not because I was uncomfortable, even though I was, but because I had Gestational Diabetes with both pregnancies. I was considered high-risk, was on a very restricted diet (no surrendering to cravings for me), I went to the doctor every 2 weeks my entire pregnancies, and had ultrasounds (those I didn't mind because I loved seeing the baby) and non-stress tests all.the.time. Don't get me wrong, I loved the fact that I had a life growing inside of me, but those other issues trumped that most of the time.

The other thing I have been thinking a lot about lately is giving birth. Due to the Gestational Diabetes I had a c-section with both babies. I feel like I missed out on the experience of delivering a child. I will never understand that euphoric feeling other women describe. No I'm not envious of the pain of labor, I had pain with a c-section, it's just different. Other women describe the birth process with such joy and love. They tear up when they describe the baby exiting their body and hearing it's first cries of life. With S, I didn't hear his first cries of life because I had a general anesthesia and was asleep. I met him briefly a few hours later but I was so doped up I don't remember. I didn't get to start bonding with him until the following morning. I did get to hear E's first cries of life, but had to wait to start bonding with her until the next day also. She had to stay in the nursery on an IV because of a blood-sugar issue.

Neither of my birth stories are beautiful and I am envious of the birth stories that are. Beautiful or not though, my birth stories are just that, mine, and I am blessed to have two of them. So even though I reminisce about the past and will never have a third child, I wouldn't change the present for anything. I truly enjoy every phase my babies enter and exit, even if it's no longer the newborn, cuddle on your chest, sleep all day phase.

Sandboxes, sticks, eggs & cheeks!

It's been a while since I last posted, I should be ashamed of myself for my horrible blogging etiquette. Honestly though not much has really been going on.

The weather is starting to warm up, finally, so we have been spending more time outside. We have been gifted several toddler toys for the backyard and S is really enjoying playing in his sandbox and climbing on his slide. As much as he enjoys that though, he really enjoys dragging around a gigantic stick that we have for the dog to play with. I'm not sure what the fascination is but it makes him happy, so...

S playing in his sandbox. He loves to fill his bucket with hand fulls of
sand and then dumps the entire bucket in his lap. 

Do you see the size of this stick? It's twice the size of him, but he loves it.
The dog doesn't love the idea of sharing it.

Both kids are growing quickly. S is going to be 19 months in a few days. It's amazing to me that my lil man is now closer to a 2 year old then a 1 year old. Even though the changes are not as dramatic as when he was a baby, they are still very noticeable. He is talking more and more, and you can even understand a good amount of what he says. He is starting to follow direction, most of the time, and reminds me every day that he's not an infant anymore. 

 S finding Easter eggs at his first Easter egg hunt. He LOVED it.
It probably did help that the eggs looked like spots balls. :)
 

E is 5 months old now and is almost as big as her older brother. She's only 6.5 inches shorter and 9 pounds smaller then him. Little sister might pass big brother up soon. She has an incredible personality. She is rarely unhappy, unless she is hungry. She smiles and laughs, and actually has a tremendous amount of patience (she must get that from her daddy). And she sure does love her big brother. She watches his every move wishing she could copy it. She squeals with delight when he takes time out of his busy, mess-making day to pay attention to her. She just lights up and you can tell he feels very proud to have her admiration. 5 months ago I was having a very hard time bonding with this little creature, and now, my heart swells with love and I can't imagine one second, of one day without her in my life. (I actually got a little choked up and teary eyed writing that).

 E in her Easter bonnet. Look at those cheeks. How can you not want to just eat them up?

She's such an angel!

At the end of the month we will be having E baptized. My hubby and I are not very religious people, and don't belong to a church, but we do believe every child should be baptized into the faith and love of Christ. The Reverend that married us, and also baptized S, will be performing the ceremony. She will be wearing a very special baptismal gown that has been passed down by her great grandmother. It is going to be a very special day spent with lots of family and friends that love her to pieces. Who wouldn't? Did you see those cheeks? :)

So I Let It Shine...

It's been 4.5 months now since E was born and I have been feeling really comfortable with how well everything is going. I feel like we finally hit our stride...until last week.

My husband works a lot of hours and long shifts. So when he leaves for work, it's not uncommon for him to be gone 48+ hours. This was a normal week, he left for work Thursday morning and I didn't expect him home until Saturday morning. No big deal, I do it every week. Except he came home Saturday morning with the flu. This meant that my 48 hours of single parenthood was about to became 96+ hours of single parenthood. I knew he couldn't help being sick but I was also looking forward to my "me" time. And even more important, S & E were VERY much looking forward to "daddy" time.

So Saturday and Sunday came and went. We all missed Daddy but we carried on as normal without him. D was feeling betting on Monday so he crawled out of bed and spent time with us before he had to head back off to work that evening.

S apparently didn't feel like Daddy spent enough time with him. He started screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. Every time he does this it gets E going and she starts screaming and crying too. In addition to missing Daddy, both of them were getting colds (as was I). They were completely inconsolable, and I didn't know which one to try to console first. I was like a ping-pong ball bouncing back and forth between the two. Hugging them and rocking them both didn't do it. I didn't know what else to try...so I started singing.

I just started belting out "This Little Light Of Mine". I sang and sang and sang. You know what? It worked. Both kids stopped crying and just stared at me like I was totally wacko. I'm sure they both thought Mommy totally lost it. And you know what, had I not started singing, I just might have.

Milestone Monday

S is 17 months old today, wow time sure has flown by. He is really starting to show his temper and display "terrible two" behavior. He has started drinking from a straw, so he now refuses to drink from a regular sippy cup. He is now sitting and riding his Playskool Fire Truck instead of just pushing it from behind. It is unbelievable to me how logical he is. The other day he wanted something off the top of his bookshelf, so he pulled E's laundry basket from her room to his, placed the laundry basket on it's side in front of the bookshelf, climbed on top of it, and got what he wanted down. He is such a smart boy. He loves to read his books and play with trucks. He loves to climbs stairs and knows to get on his tummy when he goes down them. He has a very adult food palette. He will easily eat jambalaya, chicken enchiladas, chicken tortilla soup, BBQ pork, etc., but refuses to eat hot dogs or cheese sandwiches. He is talking more and more, and is starting to put words together to create sentences. He is learning his manners and, most of the time, will say "please". The hubby and I are constantly amazed by his eagerness and determination. I really hope his drive to learn and excel continue into his school years, and we are really looking forward to when we can put him into sports and channel all his energy.

E is 2 weeks shy of 4 months. She is just under 16 pounds and almost 25 inches long. She is very strong, holds her head up really well and has a lot of muscle control. She has started smiling, laughing and cooing. She is no longer sleeping the entire day, she's down to 3-4 naps, but she's sleeping 10-11 hours at night. She's eating great and we're looking forward to starting her on cereal in a few weeks. She's not yet rolling but she's close. She kicks her feet and scoots on her back. She's such a happy baby and we love watching her grow.

When I look at S, and then look at E, it's amazing to me the difference 13 months makes.

Mommy or Magician

First off, let me apologize for not posting in a while. My life has been incredibly mundane lately and I didn't want to make you suffer through some ridiculous post about it.

Anyway, I was driving to Bath & Body Works earlier today and was thinking about my blog and how it's been so long since I posted something. I was trying to think of something clever or creative to write and nothing was coming to me. Then, in typical E fashion, she started screaming. This girl seriously HATES the car. I don't know what it is, but every time we go anywhere she has a meltdown. I start praying to the lord above for a red light and bam, we hit one. I throw the car in park, tear my seat belt off, whip around in my seat, search for the pacifier, stick it in her mouth and, she's quiet. All in what seemed like 3.2 seconds.

This got me thinking about motherhood. Having babies has changed me greatly in many ways. I love more deeply, have more patience, see things from a different perspective and just feel like an overall better person. But, I never realized the other way it has changed me. I have also become a magician.

It's unbelievable to me how many things I can make appear or disappear. Almost like Houdini or Copperfield. I can make a pacifier appear from my jeans pocket or a bottle, sippy cup or snacks appear from my diaper bag in just seconds. What I enjoy more though, is what I can make disappear so quickly. The tears. All I need to do when either of my babies are crying, is pick them up and cuddle them close and the tears just disappear.

Now I realize they are both very little, and their woes are not yet serious, but to have the magic to cure them is truly the best feeling ever. And I hope, when they are both older, and the woes do become more serious, my mommy magic will still exist. Not in that creepy "Love You Forever" crawl in the bedroom window way, (OK, I know tons of people LOVE that book but it creeps me out that the mother would crawl in the window of her grown sons house, pick him up and rock him back and forth), but in a way where I can provide true healing and solid advice. I know E will shed some tears when a dumb boy pulls her hair on the playground, or worse, breaks her heart. Or maybe S will even shed some tears when he has his heart broken by a girl who didn't deserve him anyway. Regardless of the situation, I want my babies to know, no matter what, mommy will be there for them when they need her, with as much mommy magic as they need.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot....

Today was a pretty normal day, nothing happened today that was anymore stressful than any other day with a 16 month old and an 11 week old. However, I was feeling kinda stressed out, or maybe a better way to describe it is tense. I'm not really sure why, I guess maybe I am nervous about a few things going on next week.

First off, we have a followup appointment with the Pediatric Nephrologist for E. I haven't discussed this at all on here because I'm trying to take the "don't worry until you have to" approach. (It's not working that well). When E was 4 weeks old I took her to the doctor because I thought she had reflux. The doctor ordered an ultrasound to rule out pyloric stenosis. The ultrasound was negative however they did notice her right kidney was enlarged. They sent us to the local Children's hospital to have a renal ultrasound and see a pediatric nephrologist. Her kidney is the correct shape and size, but there is some internal swelling. The doctor thinks she will outgrow this by 6 months but they want to monitor it. If the swelling does not increase they will just continue to monitor it, but if it does increase she may have to have surgery. I'm nervous about our next appointment and hoping that the swelling has hopefully gone down, or at least stayed the same. The other things aren't health related, but still nerve racking. I have an interview for a job and I'm desperately hoping to change my employment status. Even though I do really want to work and we need me to work, thinking about all the changes that come with that freak me out.

Anyway, I digress, back to my day. I knew I had some errands to run and I really hate getting the kids in and out of the car over and over, add me already being tense to the situation doesn't help. I seriously can't wait until summertime so I don't have to deal with coats, hats & mittens. So we're all loaded up and on our way, S is chatting with monkey and E is fast asleep (for once, I swear that girl HATES the car). I'm flipping channels on my XM radio and I come across the 80's on 8 channel. I Saw You Standing There by Tiffany was playing. Oh my, I haven't heard this song in forever. I crank it up and start singing along. In just a few verses all my tension was gone. S was dancing (bouncing up and down in his car seat) and I was singing and we were having a blast. The songs just kept getting better and better. Talk Dirty to Me by Poison, Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar, Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley. I was in 80's heaven. All I needed were some french rolled acid washed jeans and my bangs teased to resemble a brick wall (and I am proud to admit I had both of these in the 80's, not proud enough to share photos though).

Sometimes I forgot how therapeutic music can be. No matter what my mood, or what kind of music it is, it always helps. Music is the background of so many experiences and occasions. I was a band-geek (as my husband calls me) so I was raised to love and appreciate music. I want S & E to love and appreciate it also. I can't make it through any version of The Star Spangled Banner without shedding a tear. Music moves me, it makes me happy, it makes me proud and it makes me sing, off key, at the top of my lungs!

My Interior Decorator...

Earlier today I was feeding E a bottle and S was playing quietly in his room, so I thought. This is what was actually happening...

S and his accomplice Monkey decided they needed to "decorate" E's floor. Good thing he is so darn cute, how can you possibly get upset with a face like that? However, I don't feel the need to fold E's clothes over and over so her door will remain closed until we have drawer locks.

Pros and Cons

It's not uncommon for strangers to stop me in a store and ask how old S & E are. When I answer, "they are 13.5 months apart" they look at me like I'm crazy and say "wow, you have your hands full" or "wow, you sure are busy", some form of "what the heck were you thinking?" I just nod my head and say "yes it's hard", I don't see the need to explain to them that E was not a planned pregnancy and that we were using birth control. It's really none of their business, and most people don't really care anyway.

The other day a friend asked what it is like to have 2 under 2. This got me thinking about the pros and cons of baby bunching. I do find it's easier to think of the cons at this point because they are both so young, but I'm sure in 2 years it will be much easier to think of the pros. So here it is...my top 3 pros and cons of having 2 babies under 2. This is my own personal opinion, other's may feel entirely different.

The Con's
1. My first major con is being pregnant for so long. Most women complain about being pregnant for 9 months. Just imagine what it is like to be pregnant 18 out of 24 months. My hormones were not back to normal from my pregnancy with S before I got pregnant with E. I think, because of this, I had a moderate case of PPD after E was born. It's been 2.5 months now and I am finally starting to get back to normal mentally. My body, on the other hand, is totally out of control.
2. My second con would be the day-to-day challenges. S is only 15 months old, yes he is walking and playing by himself somewhat, but he is still very dependant. I think if he was older, potty trained, eating with utensils, etc. it would be easier. At his age now he doesn't understand that mommy can't drop everything to attend to his needs, like I could before E was born. He is also very rough with her. He doesn't understand that he needs to be gentle and that he will hurt her if he crawls over her, or drops toys on her, or hits her in the head. It is impossible to leave him alone with her because of what he might do and that makes everything, even going to the bathroom, more difficult.
3. My third con is the challenge of getting them in and out of the car. When D is home things are a lot easier, but he is gone a lot so I do it by myself most of the time. Like I said above, S is walking, but he isn't at a point where I can hold his hand and he will follow along nicely. I still have to carry him to and from the car and it's not possible for me to carry a 25 pound 15 month old in one arm and a 14 pound 2.5 month old in the infant carrier at the same time. So I find myself doing things in steps. Start the car, bundle up both kids, carry S out to the car and buckle him into his car seat, then run back into the house and grab E in her carrier and put her in the car, then run back in the house and grab my diaper bag, lock the door, etc. In the time it takes me to put S in the car E is screaming because her binky fell out, or her hat is over her eyes, or she just HATES being in her carrier. It stresses me out every time we go anywhere.

The Pros.
1. The best part about having 2 under 2 is the cuddling. S got to a point around 6ish months where he didn't want to sit and cuddle anymore. He wanted to crawl and play and be active (and honestly, I don't think he has stopped moving since). I missed that stage so much, but didn't have to go long without having it back. E loves to cuddle, she snuggles her face and body into my chest and smiles and coos and falls asleep. It's just delightful and I'm hoping she won't grow out of it anytime soon.
2. Having 2 under 2 means you have A LOT of stuff. Swing, exersaucer, bumbo seat, bottles, highchair, etc. Having them so close together means I can get rid of all of that stuff once E is done using it. I don't have to pack it up and save it for years for the next baby. I am already planning the garage sale in my head...LOL
3. When they are a few years older they will be best friends. I love the thought that they will always have a built in playmate no matter where we are, neither of them will be lonely. They will be at the same stages of their lives and will want to do the same things. I can only imagine how difficult it is for families that have kids several years apart. The older child doesn't want to do what the younger child does because it's too "babyish" and vice versa. We should never have that problem. I assume we will have to deal with S not wanting to do what E wants to do because it's too "girly" but when that happens daddy and S can have some boy time.

These are my pros and cons now, a month ago they may have been different and a month from now they may change. I can say that things got much easier once E started sleeping 9 hours at night and as her schedule gets more consistent. I didn't plan to have kids so close together (my husband wanted them this close but he was hoping for 2 boys that could play on the same football team), and I don't think I would have choosen to have kids so close together but I honestly wouldn't change a thing about it now.

The Gift of Time

How often do you take the time to count your blessings? I think it's normal, and probably easier, to dwell on the negative. I know I personally forget how lucky I am for everything I've been blessed with. I dwell on how much time my husband is away for work, or on not having enough money. I dwell on not losing enough weight, or not having the latest style of clothes, or shoes. I see other women and wish I had their hair, or clothes, or could rock that headband or pair of glasses like she does. I wish my house was decorated cuter, or bigger, or cleaner. (I know I can make it cleaner but I have 2 kids under 15 months, it's not always a priority).

The reality is everyone wants things they don't have. A full time working mommy wants to spend more time with her kids and a stay-at-home-mommy wants more time to herself. We rarely look at what we have and just appreciate it. Every once and a while I just step back, look at my life and feel grateful. Even though I was laid off from my job over a year ago, and it was devastating at the time, I was given the greatest gift ever. The gift of time. Time to enjoy my beautiful babies everyday. Time to play games, and read books. Time to give S baths with lots of splashing and time to cuddle and sing to E while she falls asleep. I'm the one that gets to give E her tummy time and teach S how to eat from silverware. I GET to, not HAVE to, do all of these things. Although I don't have everything I think I want, and things don't always turn out how you plan them, I know I have everything I need. Quoting the movie Hope Floats "my cup runneth over".

Spreading Our Wings

I feel like every day of every week is the same. One day of the week S, E and myself (usually with my mom) will take a trip to Walmart. Another day of the week we will all go grocery shopping (this time without my mom). Friday nights we meet my parents for dinner at a local restaurant. Some weeks we get together with a friend and their kid(s), some weeks we don't. My point is, we do the same stuff all.the.time. Now don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my mom (even if it is only a trip to Walmart) and spending time with my friends and their kid(s), but I need something more, S needs something more. I can tell he has cabin fever (we live in the Midwest and most days it's way too cold to play outside), and he needs something more exciting or challenging added to his week. He's a very smart boy and as the saying goes "an idle mind is the devil's playground", if S isn't challenged he is naughty!

So, I decided to look into a local mommy group. They looked really interesting and probably a bunch of fun, but required a lot of commitment. I can't promise (with my hubby's work schedule) that I will be able to attend the mandatory monthly meeting and play dates. I hate to join a group and pay the membership fee to then be kicked out for poor attendance. Also, even though I am a SAHM now, I won't be at some point. I am actively looking for a job and hope to find one sooner rather then later.

My next search was at a local park district. Maybe S would enjoy a mommy & me music class? Have you seen the price of those classes? As I mentioned above, I am a SAHM so we don't have a lot of extra money. I refuse to pay $100 for a 6 week, 30 minute long class. Plus, E is still really young, and not on a consistent schedule, so I would have to find a babysitter or do a class when my hubby is home, so again, that could be challenging.

Then I remembered the local library had story time. I had taken him a few times when he was younger but it started to interfere with his nap schedule. I thought I would check it out and see if they had added classes or changed times. To my surprise they had, they now offer a Toddler's Story time for 1-2 year olds, once a week, for 30 minutes. Perfect! Best thing is, it's free!!! It fit's perfectly into our schedule and, if for some reason it doesn't, I won't feel bad about missing it. So next week we are going to try it out and see how S does. I'm hoping he has a blast and makes a friend, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I made one also.

Milestone Monday

S turned 15 months on Friday and continues to amaze me everyday. He has been walking for 4 months now but is climbing more and more everyday. He sleeps in a crib still but we have a twin bed in his room for guests. Today I found him dragging his Playskool Fire Truck from one side of the room to the other, put it in front of the twin bed and used it to climb onto the bed, then bounce up and down on his butt with a gigantic smile on his face.

He is very mischievous and proud of himself when he accomplishes his desired task (as you can see in the picture). He is "talking" more and more and we can actually understand some of the words he is saying. He has also started eating with a spoon but doesn't really understand the whole putting more food on the spoon part of it, but we are working on that.

He is turning into such a toddler and has developed a bit of a temper. We have already started seeing 2 year old behavior and find it hard not to laugh when he has a full out temper tantrum with arms flailing and legs kicking. I'm sure as it continues to happen it will get less and less cute, but for now it's really funny.

E is 7 weeks old today and has changed so much already. She is still a chunker, over 13 pounds already, and is very long, 22.75 inches. She has brown hair and blue eyes (we think, they are still changing but they are much bluer than S's ever were). She is smiling and holding her head up and really very strong. She eats 6 ounces of formula every 3 hours during the day and sleeps 9 hours straight at night. We are thrilled to be blessed with 2 great sleepers but sure we will pay for it at some time, like when we have to wake them up for school.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...Yea Right!!!

The past few weeks have been challenging. It started on January 2 when we all came down with a case of the stomach flu. I started getting sick that evening, S woke up covered in vomit the next morning and the hubby & E both had diarrhea. S spent several days eating toast and drinking Pedialyte, so when he started to feel better I thought he would jump at the chance of eating something else. Not so much. He would turn his head or spit out food he's been eating for months. Meal time was exhausting. I thought either he still wasn't feeling well or it was just a phase. Little did I know. He was teething. He showed no other signs or symptoms like he had with the 6 other teeth he's cut. He totally threw me for a loop.

I feel guilty about not seeing the signs, and I wonder if it's because I'm consumed with E and her needs. I know this is self assigned guilt, that no one else would ever judge me or imply I'm a bad mommy for missing the cues. Why do we believe, as mommy's, we have to do everything perfect? And if we don't, why are we so hard on ourselves? Some times I wish I could be more like my husband. That I could sit for hours holding E or playing with S and not think about everything else that should be done. (I'm sure he's able to do that because he knows I'm going to take care of all of it). I don't feel like I ever take the time to just relax. Even when I go to bed I lay there and think of everything that needs to get done the next day. It's exhausting, and I'm always tired.

So, how do I change things? How do I just enjoy "the now" and not worry about everything else? Do all mommy's feel this way? Are you able to just relax? If so, how do you do it?

Finally In Love

When I decided to write this blog I made a promise to myself to always be completely honest about everything, including my feelings about mommyhood. I find it very irritating when a mommy praises how wonderful mommyhood is and never admits how hard it can be. I love my children, but let's be honest, being a mommy is challenging and isn't always unicorns and rainbows. There are bad days and sometimes bad weeks.

When I found out I was pregnant with E I was less than thrilled. Ok...I had an all out meltdown. S had just turned 5 months old and I was dealing with some serious hormones, not to mention adjusting to being a SAHM after being laid off from my 11 year Graphic Design job. Plus, my pregnancy and delivery were still very fresh in my mind and I just wasn't ready to deal with gestational diabetes again, constant doctor appointments and everything else that goes along with pregnancy. It took me weeks, if not months, to accept the idea. I felt very guilty that I wasn't as happy about this pregnancy. I feared when E was born that I wouldn't love her, bond with her and would just resent her. I also feared, by having a second baby, S wouldn't get the attention he deserved and was very used to.

When E was born I cried. I looked at this beautiful, blue eyed, 11 pound baby and cried. At the time I wasn't sure what my tears meant. Was I crying because she was finally out of me, because I was happy and loved her or were they "Oh shit, no turning back now, it's a reality" tears. It took me a few weeks to figure it out. At first I was so overwhelmed with everything. Two babies that needed my constant attention. I felt like a hampster on a wheel that was constantly running but not getting anywhere. I couldn't catch my breath and I was about to crack. I cried everyday, and honestly, did resent E because I felt this way.

One day it all changed. I looked at E and my heart melted, I was totally in love. I also decided to not let myself get stressed out anymore. If E cried a few minutes before she was fed, so be it. If S didn't stick exactly to his schedule, so be it. I decided I would get done what I could, and if laundry sat, or if dishes were dirty, so be it. I also decided I was going to accept help when offered and ask for help when needed, I didn't need to be Supermom.

I'll be honest, I still have moments that I am totally overwhelmed but I just remember to take a deep breath and the moment passes. Two babies under two seems to be getting easier everyday, I've even been able to get a few loads of laundry done.

Back 2 Back Babies is Born!

A friend of mine suggested to me a few weeks ago that I should start a blog, that people would be interested in reading about the daily chaos of being a baby buncher (two years of pregnancy and back-to-back births, basically 2 babies under 2). I thought about it for a while and decided that "yes" someone might be interested in reading about it, or atleast getting a good chuckle. Plus, I could use the creative challenge and outlet.

So here we go. Welcome to my blog!