Spreading Our Wings

I feel like every day of every week is the same. One day of the week S, E and myself (usually with my mom) will take a trip to Walmart. Another day of the week we will all go grocery shopping (this time without my mom). Friday nights we meet my parents for dinner at a local restaurant. Some weeks we get together with a friend and their kid(s), some weeks we don't. My point is, we do the same stuff all.the.time. Now don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my mom (even if it is only a trip to Walmart) and spending time with my friends and their kid(s), but I need something more, S needs something more. I can tell he has cabin fever (we live in the Midwest and most days it's way too cold to play outside), and he needs something more exciting or challenging added to his week. He's a very smart boy and as the saying goes "an idle mind is the devil's playground", if S isn't challenged he is naughty!

So, I decided to look into a local mommy group. They looked really interesting and probably a bunch of fun, but required a lot of commitment. I can't promise (with my hubby's work schedule) that I will be able to attend the mandatory monthly meeting and play dates. I hate to join a group and pay the membership fee to then be kicked out for poor attendance. Also, even though I am a SAHM now, I won't be at some point. I am actively looking for a job and hope to find one sooner rather then later.

My next search was at a local park district. Maybe S would enjoy a mommy & me music class? Have you seen the price of those classes? As I mentioned above, I am a SAHM so we don't have a lot of extra money. I refuse to pay $100 for a 6 week, 30 minute long class. Plus, E is still really young, and not on a consistent schedule, so I would have to find a babysitter or do a class when my hubby is home, so again, that could be challenging.

Then I remembered the local library had story time. I had taken him a few times when he was younger but it started to interfere with his nap schedule. I thought I would check it out and see if they had added classes or changed times. To my surprise they had, they now offer a Toddler's Story time for 1-2 year olds, once a week, for 30 minutes. Perfect! Best thing is, it's free!!! It fit's perfectly into our schedule and, if for some reason it doesn't, I won't feel bad about missing it. So next week we are going to try it out and see how S does. I'm hoping he has a blast and makes a friend, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I made one also.

Milestone Monday

S turned 15 months on Friday and continues to amaze me everyday. He has been walking for 4 months now but is climbing more and more everyday. He sleeps in a crib still but we have a twin bed in his room for guests. Today I found him dragging his Playskool Fire Truck from one side of the room to the other, put it in front of the twin bed and used it to climb onto the bed, then bounce up and down on his butt with a gigantic smile on his face.

He is very mischievous and proud of himself when he accomplishes his desired task (as you can see in the picture). He is "talking" more and more and we can actually understand some of the words he is saying. He has also started eating with a spoon but doesn't really understand the whole putting more food on the spoon part of it, but we are working on that.

He is turning into such a toddler and has developed a bit of a temper. We have already started seeing 2 year old behavior and find it hard not to laugh when he has a full out temper tantrum with arms flailing and legs kicking. I'm sure as it continues to happen it will get less and less cute, but for now it's really funny.

E is 7 weeks old today and has changed so much already. She is still a chunker, over 13 pounds already, and is very long, 22.75 inches. She has brown hair and blue eyes (we think, they are still changing but they are much bluer than S's ever were). She is smiling and holding her head up and really very strong. She eats 6 ounces of formula every 3 hours during the day and sleeps 9 hours straight at night. We are thrilled to be blessed with 2 great sleepers but sure we will pay for it at some time, like when we have to wake them up for school.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...Yea Right!!!

The past few weeks have been challenging. It started on January 2 when we all came down with a case of the stomach flu. I started getting sick that evening, S woke up covered in vomit the next morning and the hubby & E both had diarrhea. S spent several days eating toast and drinking Pedialyte, so when he started to feel better I thought he would jump at the chance of eating something else. Not so much. He would turn his head or spit out food he's been eating for months. Meal time was exhausting. I thought either he still wasn't feeling well or it was just a phase. Little did I know. He was teething. He showed no other signs or symptoms like he had with the 6 other teeth he's cut. He totally threw me for a loop.

I feel guilty about not seeing the signs, and I wonder if it's because I'm consumed with E and her needs. I know this is self assigned guilt, that no one else would ever judge me or imply I'm a bad mommy for missing the cues. Why do we believe, as mommy's, we have to do everything perfect? And if we don't, why are we so hard on ourselves? Some times I wish I could be more like my husband. That I could sit for hours holding E or playing with S and not think about everything else that should be done. (I'm sure he's able to do that because he knows I'm going to take care of all of it). I don't feel like I ever take the time to just relax. Even when I go to bed I lay there and think of everything that needs to get done the next day. It's exhausting, and I'm always tired.

So, how do I change things? How do I just enjoy "the now" and not worry about everything else? Do all mommy's feel this way? Are you able to just relax? If so, how do you do it?

Finally In Love

When I decided to write this blog I made a promise to myself to always be completely honest about everything, including my feelings about mommyhood. I find it very irritating when a mommy praises how wonderful mommyhood is and never admits how hard it can be. I love my children, but let's be honest, being a mommy is challenging and isn't always unicorns and rainbows. There are bad days and sometimes bad weeks.

When I found out I was pregnant with E I was less than thrilled. Ok...I had an all out meltdown. S had just turned 5 months old and I was dealing with some serious hormones, not to mention adjusting to being a SAHM after being laid off from my 11 year Graphic Design job. Plus, my pregnancy and delivery were still very fresh in my mind and I just wasn't ready to deal with gestational diabetes again, constant doctor appointments and everything else that goes along with pregnancy. It took me weeks, if not months, to accept the idea. I felt very guilty that I wasn't as happy about this pregnancy. I feared when E was born that I wouldn't love her, bond with her and would just resent her. I also feared, by having a second baby, S wouldn't get the attention he deserved and was very used to.

When E was born I cried. I looked at this beautiful, blue eyed, 11 pound baby and cried. At the time I wasn't sure what my tears meant. Was I crying because she was finally out of me, because I was happy and loved her or were they "Oh shit, no turning back now, it's a reality" tears. It took me a few weeks to figure it out. At first I was so overwhelmed with everything. Two babies that needed my constant attention. I felt like a hampster on a wheel that was constantly running but not getting anywhere. I couldn't catch my breath and I was about to crack. I cried everyday, and honestly, did resent E because I felt this way.

One day it all changed. I looked at E and my heart melted, I was totally in love. I also decided to not let myself get stressed out anymore. If E cried a few minutes before she was fed, so be it. If S didn't stick exactly to his schedule, so be it. I decided I would get done what I could, and if laundry sat, or if dishes were dirty, so be it. I also decided I was going to accept help when offered and ask for help when needed, I didn't need to be Supermom.

I'll be honest, I still have moments that I am totally overwhelmed but I just remember to take a deep breath and the moment passes. Two babies under two seems to be getting easier everyday, I've even been able to get a few loads of laundry done.

Back 2 Back Babies is Born!

A friend of mine suggested to me a few weeks ago that I should start a blog, that people would be interested in reading about the daily chaos of being a baby buncher (two years of pregnancy and back-to-back births, basically 2 babies under 2). I thought about it for a while and decided that "yes" someone might be interested in reading about it, or atleast getting a good chuckle. Plus, I could use the creative challenge and outlet.

So here we go. Welcome to my blog!