I might be bat shit crazy!

As S & E continue to grow, specifically E, I find myself reminiscing about babies. S is 19 months old and a total toddler. He wants to do everything on his own and makes sure you know it if you try to help him. At 6 months old, E is still technically considered a baby, but she's quickly moving from phase to phase. She has just entered the roll all over the floor and get into everything phase. I look at my kids and deeply miss the newborn, cuddle on your chest, sleep all day phase. I miss it so much I have actually thought about having a third child.

That's where the bat shit crazy enters. Not only would we have three kids under three (yeah, that's not happening) but when E was born I had my tubes tied, so it's medically impossible (OK nothings impossible, let's say unlikely). I don't know if this is a simple case of "you want what you can't have" or what? I hated being pregnant. Not because I was uncomfortable, even though I was, but because I had Gestational Diabetes with both pregnancies. I was considered high-risk, was on a very restricted diet (no surrendering to cravings for me), I went to the doctor every 2 weeks my entire pregnancies, and had ultrasounds (those I didn't mind because I loved seeing the baby) and non-stress tests all.the.time. Don't get me wrong, I loved the fact that I had a life growing inside of me, but those other issues trumped that most of the time.

The other thing I have been thinking a lot about lately is giving birth. Due to the Gestational Diabetes I had a c-section with both babies. I feel like I missed out on the experience of delivering a child. I will never understand that euphoric feeling other women describe. No I'm not envious of the pain of labor, I had pain with a c-section, it's just different. Other women describe the birth process with such joy and love. They tear up when they describe the baby exiting their body and hearing it's first cries of life. With S, I didn't hear his first cries of life because I had a general anesthesia and was asleep. I met him briefly a few hours later but I was so doped up I don't remember. I didn't get to start bonding with him until the following morning. I did get to hear E's first cries of life, but had to wait to start bonding with her until the next day also. She had to stay in the nursery on an IV because of a blood-sugar issue.

Neither of my birth stories are beautiful and I am envious of the birth stories that are. Beautiful or not though, my birth stories are just that, mine, and I am blessed to have two of them. So even though I reminisce about the past and will never have a third child, I wouldn't change the present for anything. I truly enjoy every phase my babies enter and exit, even if it's no longer the newborn, cuddle on your chest, sleep all day phase.

Sandboxes, sticks, eggs & cheeks!

It's been a while since I last posted, I should be ashamed of myself for my horrible blogging etiquette. Honestly though not much has really been going on.

The weather is starting to warm up, finally, so we have been spending more time outside. We have been gifted several toddler toys for the backyard and S is really enjoying playing in his sandbox and climbing on his slide. As much as he enjoys that though, he really enjoys dragging around a gigantic stick that we have for the dog to play with. I'm not sure what the fascination is but it makes him happy, so...

S playing in his sandbox. He loves to fill his bucket with hand fulls of
sand and then dumps the entire bucket in his lap. 

Do you see the size of this stick? It's twice the size of him, but he loves it.
The dog doesn't love the idea of sharing it.

Both kids are growing quickly. S is going to be 19 months in a few days. It's amazing to me that my lil man is now closer to a 2 year old then a 1 year old. Even though the changes are not as dramatic as when he was a baby, they are still very noticeable. He is talking more and more, and you can even understand a good amount of what he says. He is starting to follow direction, most of the time, and reminds me every day that he's not an infant anymore. 

 S finding Easter eggs at his first Easter egg hunt. He LOVED it.
It probably did help that the eggs looked like spots balls. :)
 

E is 5 months old now and is almost as big as her older brother. She's only 6.5 inches shorter and 9 pounds smaller then him. Little sister might pass big brother up soon. She has an incredible personality. She is rarely unhappy, unless she is hungry. She smiles and laughs, and actually has a tremendous amount of patience (she must get that from her daddy). And she sure does love her big brother. She watches his every move wishing she could copy it. She squeals with delight when he takes time out of his busy, mess-making day to pay attention to her. She just lights up and you can tell he feels very proud to have her admiration. 5 months ago I was having a very hard time bonding with this little creature, and now, my heart swells with love and I can't imagine one second, of one day without her in my life. (I actually got a little choked up and teary eyed writing that).

 E in her Easter bonnet. Look at those cheeks. How can you not want to just eat them up?

She's such an angel!

At the end of the month we will be having E baptized. My hubby and I are not very religious people, and don't belong to a church, but we do believe every child should be baptized into the faith and love of Christ. The Reverend that married us, and also baptized S, will be performing the ceremony. She will be wearing a very special baptismal gown that has been passed down by her great grandmother. It is going to be a very special day spent with lots of family and friends that love her to pieces. Who wouldn't? Did you see those cheeks? :)

So I Let It Shine...

It's been 4.5 months now since E was born and I have been feeling really comfortable with how well everything is going. I feel like we finally hit our stride...until last week.

My husband works a lot of hours and long shifts. So when he leaves for work, it's not uncommon for him to be gone 48+ hours. This was a normal week, he left for work Thursday morning and I didn't expect him home until Saturday morning. No big deal, I do it every week. Except he came home Saturday morning with the flu. This meant that my 48 hours of single parenthood was about to became 96+ hours of single parenthood. I knew he couldn't help being sick but I was also looking forward to my "me" time. And even more important, S & E were VERY much looking forward to "daddy" time.

So Saturday and Sunday came and went. We all missed Daddy but we carried on as normal without him. D was feeling betting on Monday so he crawled out of bed and spent time with us before he had to head back off to work that evening.

S apparently didn't feel like Daddy spent enough time with him. He started screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. Every time he does this it gets E going and she starts screaming and crying too. In addition to missing Daddy, both of them were getting colds (as was I). They were completely inconsolable, and I didn't know which one to try to console first. I was like a ping-pong ball bouncing back and forth between the two. Hugging them and rocking them both didn't do it. I didn't know what else to try...so I started singing.

I just started belting out "This Little Light Of Mine". I sang and sang and sang. You know what? It worked. Both kids stopped crying and just stared at me like I was totally wacko. I'm sure they both thought Mommy totally lost it. And you know what, had I not started singing, I just might have.

Milestone Monday

S is 17 months old today, wow time sure has flown by. He is really starting to show his temper and display "terrible two" behavior. He has started drinking from a straw, so he now refuses to drink from a regular sippy cup. He is now sitting and riding his Playskool Fire Truck instead of just pushing it from behind. It is unbelievable to me how logical he is. The other day he wanted something off the top of his bookshelf, so he pulled E's laundry basket from her room to his, placed the laundry basket on it's side in front of the bookshelf, climbed on top of it, and got what he wanted down. He is such a smart boy. He loves to read his books and play with trucks. He loves to climbs stairs and knows to get on his tummy when he goes down them. He has a very adult food palette. He will easily eat jambalaya, chicken enchiladas, chicken tortilla soup, BBQ pork, etc., but refuses to eat hot dogs or cheese sandwiches. He is talking more and more, and is starting to put words together to create sentences. He is learning his manners and, most of the time, will say "please". The hubby and I are constantly amazed by his eagerness and determination. I really hope his drive to learn and excel continue into his school years, and we are really looking forward to when we can put him into sports and channel all his energy.

E is 2 weeks shy of 4 months. She is just under 16 pounds and almost 25 inches long. She is very strong, holds her head up really well and has a lot of muscle control. She has started smiling, laughing and cooing. She is no longer sleeping the entire day, she's down to 3-4 naps, but she's sleeping 10-11 hours at night. She's eating great and we're looking forward to starting her on cereal in a few weeks. She's not yet rolling but she's close. She kicks her feet and scoots on her back. She's such a happy baby and we love watching her grow.

When I look at S, and then look at E, it's amazing to me the difference 13 months makes.

Mommy or Magician

First off, let me apologize for not posting in a while. My life has been incredibly mundane lately and I didn't want to make you suffer through some ridiculous post about it.

Anyway, I was driving to Bath & Body Works earlier today and was thinking about my blog and how it's been so long since I posted something. I was trying to think of something clever or creative to write and nothing was coming to me. Then, in typical E fashion, she started screaming. This girl seriously HATES the car. I don't know what it is, but every time we go anywhere she has a meltdown. I start praying to the lord above for a red light and bam, we hit one. I throw the car in park, tear my seat belt off, whip around in my seat, search for the pacifier, stick it in her mouth and, she's quiet. All in what seemed like 3.2 seconds.

This got me thinking about motherhood. Having babies has changed me greatly in many ways. I love more deeply, have more patience, see things from a different perspective and just feel like an overall better person. But, I never realized the other way it has changed me. I have also become a magician.

It's unbelievable to me how many things I can make appear or disappear. Almost like Houdini or Copperfield. I can make a pacifier appear from my jeans pocket or a bottle, sippy cup or snacks appear from my diaper bag in just seconds. What I enjoy more though, is what I can make disappear so quickly. The tears. All I need to do when either of my babies are crying, is pick them up and cuddle them close and the tears just disappear.

Now I realize they are both very little, and their woes are not yet serious, but to have the magic to cure them is truly the best feeling ever. And I hope, when they are both older, and the woes do become more serious, my mommy magic will still exist. Not in that creepy "Love You Forever" crawl in the bedroom window way, (OK, I know tons of people LOVE that book but it creeps me out that the mother would crawl in the window of her grown sons house, pick him up and rock him back and forth), but in a way where I can provide true healing and solid advice. I know E will shed some tears when a dumb boy pulls her hair on the playground, or worse, breaks her heart. Or maybe S will even shed some tears when he has his heart broken by a girl who didn't deserve him anyway. Regardless of the situation, I want my babies to know, no matter what, mommy will be there for them when they need her, with as much mommy magic as they need.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot....

Today was a pretty normal day, nothing happened today that was anymore stressful than any other day with a 16 month old and an 11 week old. However, I was feeling kinda stressed out, or maybe a better way to describe it is tense. I'm not really sure why, I guess maybe I am nervous about a few things going on next week.

First off, we have a followup appointment with the Pediatric Nephrologist for E. I haven't discussed this at all on here because I'm trying to take the "don't worry until you have to" approach. (It's not working that well). When E was 4 weeks old I took her to the doctor because I thought she had reflux. The doctor ordered an ultrasound to rule out pyloric stenosis. The ultrasound was negative however they did notice her right kidney was enlarged. They sent us to the local Children's hospital to have a renal ultrasound and see a pediatric nephrologist. Her kidney is the correct shape and size, but there is some internal swelling. The doctor thinks she will outgrow this by 6 months but they want to monitor it. If the swelling does not increase they will just continue to monitor it, but if it does increase she may have to have surgery. I'm nervous about our next appointment and hoping that the swelling has hopefully gone down, or at least stayed the same. The other things aren't health related, but still nerve racking. I have an interview for a job and I'm desperately hoping to change my employment status. Even though I do really want to work and we need me to work, thinking about all the changes that come with that freak me out.

Anyway, I digress, back to my day. I knew I had some errands to run and I really hate getting the kids in and out of the car over and over, add me already being tense to the situation doesn't help. I seriously can't wait until summertime so I don't have to deal with coats, hats & mittens. So we're all loaded up and on our way, S is chatting with monkey and E is fast asleep (for once, I swear that girl HATES the car). I'm flipping channels on my XM radio and I come across the 80's on 8 channel. I Saw You Standing There by Tiffany was playing. Oh my, I haven't heard this song in forever. I crank it up and start singing along. In just a few verses all my tension was gone. S was dancing (bouncing up and down in his car seat) and I was singing and we were having a blast. The songs just kept getting better and better. Talk Dirty to Me by Poison, Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar, Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley. I was in 80's heaven. All I needed were some french rolled acid washed jeans and my bangs teased to resemble a brick wall (and I am proud to admit I had both of these in the 80's, not proud enough to share photos though).

Sometimes I forgot how therapeutic music can be. No matter what my mood, or what kind of music it is, it always helps. Music is the background of so many experiences and occasions. I was a band-geek (as my husband calls me) so I was raised to love and appreciate music. I want S & E to love and appreciate it also. I can't make it through any version of The Star Spangled Banner without shedding a tear. Music moves me, it makes me happy, it makes me proud and it makes me sing, off key, at the top of my lungs!

My Interior Decorator...

Earlier today I was feeding E a bottle and S was playing quietly in his room, so I thought. This is what was actually happening...

S and his accomplice Monkey decided they needed to "decorate" E's floor. Good thing he is so darn cute, how can you possibly get upset with a face like that? However, I don't feel the need to fold E's clothes over and over so her door will remain closed until we have drawer locks.